The Fear Card - by Rita Dumais

Part 2 - At The Mountain Of Attention

The Divine Avatar was staying in Mill Valley, California, at the time, in a little house tucked away in the hills where He could retreat to for a break from the demands of the larger gathering of devotees at the Mountain Of Attention Sanctuary.

The night He asked for a tarot card reading, I was driven there by my intimate partner, who had been serving as Avatar Adi Da's physician.

We arrived at the house while Avatar Adi Da was in the midst of dinner with a group of devotees. Soon, He had me sitting in front of Him on the floor while He shuffled the cards.

I remember feeling nervous but, at the same time, completely happy to be there. Someone asked me how long I thought He should shuffle the cards, and I said, "For as long as He wants."

Avatar Adi Da looked at me and said, "I like to shuffle for a lo-o-ong time," while He smiled and expertly shuffled.

So, there we were in the Spiritual Master's House — in His living room, sitting on the floor while He shuffled the cards. Besides the Master, my intimate partner, and myself, there were some seven or eight other devotees present.

The Tarot Reading

When He had finished shuffling, I had Him cut the deck, and we proceeded with the reading. Although I was relatively new at giving readings, I was immediately struck by the large number of higher arcana cards in the reading. In fact, almost all the cards were higher arcana ("arcane" means "secrets").

The more higher arcana cards you see in a person's tarot reading, the more you consider the Divine to be at play in that person's life.

I began reading, while the Divine Avatar listened attentively, making occasional comments about the cards. I had brought along a book that was my "bible" for reading tarot cards — their symbols, and the meaning of the various ways the cards fall in a reading — just in case I needed it.

Although I gave this reading over 30 years ago, I remember vividly what happened next.

I continued to read the cards one by one for Avatar Adi Da, while scanning all the cards in the reading to see what was coming up and how they fit into the reading. (I still do this today.)

In those days, one of the cards in the reading was interpreted as what the person being read was afraid of. As I contemplated what I could say to Avatar Adi Da about this card, I intuitively knew that He was not afraid of anything!

We were still several cards ahead of the "fear" card, but I noticed myself becoming more and more afraid as we got closer to this card.

The card itself was The Star, a powerful higher arcana card that stands for transformation.

In those days, I was not familiar with this card, and the position the card was in made it difficult for me to read. When we arrived at the card I said, "I don't think we should read this card, Bubba [the name He was called by at that time]."

He said, "Well, why not?"

I said, "Because, it's supposed to be what you are afraid of."

He replied, "Great! Tell me what I'm afraid of."

The Fear Card

I gave a deep sigh, and consulting my tarot card reading "bible," searched for something I could say. Meanwhile, my own level of fear was escalating. I noticed this but tried to ignore it, to push it away.

Then, at long last, I found something I could say about the card and started to read from the book, until I noticed that I was reading information for the wrong card.

I said, "Oh wait — this is for the wrong card."

Avatar Adi Da immediately sat up tall and said, "WHAT?!," in such a loud voice it made me jump.

I scanned the book again, looking furiously for something to say, and meanwhile noticing how fearful I had become. In fact, by now, the air was tense around me.

He waited for me to say something more about the card, and I frantically scanned the pages of my book for anything I could say. I was silent for a minute or two, and the room was so silent that you could hear a pin drop.

Then He bellowed in a very loud voice, "WELL, ARE WE GOING TO SIT ALL NIGHT IN SILENCE, OR WHAT?!"

My head was bent low over the cards, and by now, I was so scared my teeth were chattering.

Avatar Adi Da was sitting two feet away from me, and his head was bent down leaning toward me, over the cards on the floor.

Softly, half under my breath, unable to stop being afraid, I whispered, "This is ridiculous!"

He heard me and gave me a look, and with a twinkle in His eye, He sat up, asking if anyone in the room was afraid.

A few people raised their hands, and He said, "Well, what is fear anyway?"

Then a miracle occurred. As Adi Da spoke about fear, He showed me, step by step, what I had done to create the state of fear I was in.

Next: An Exquisite Lesson